if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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