you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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