"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
