I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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