You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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