This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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