I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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