i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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