she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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