just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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