I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
