this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
