dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
