then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
