Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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