all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
