I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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