he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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