dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
