I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize