Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
