Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize