I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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