she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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