somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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