not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
whose parrot is this?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
