Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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