i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
