That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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