it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
