Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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