I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
