when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
