Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
