P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
