Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
