And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
