This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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