i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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