the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've blown a few things in my day
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
