I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
