You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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