why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
