the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
