I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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