all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
