I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
