i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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