garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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