Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
