Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
