I wish they made helmets for livers.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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