i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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