I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
