If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
