I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
