I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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