you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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