sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
