A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
