9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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